Learning to Listen

We spent most of last night at the hospital, and as always, God was with us.

Yesterday, Sarah Claire started running a fever, and was complaining that her "tummy hurt." When I'd ask her to point to where the pain was, she consistently was pointing to her lower right abdomen. She's not a complainer, and she's not one to even pay attention to pain, so as she continued to cry and tell me that it was hurting, I started to get really uneasy. Not to mention, her eyes looked sick. Do you know the look I'm talking about? The glazed over, weak eyes that replace the curious green-ish eyes. That's always a giveaway to me. And then she didn't want to walk or play. She just wanted to be held or lie down. That isn't my Essie.

Now, I have no medical knowledge, but I do have access to Google (not always a good thing!) and to a sister who is in PA school, who's husband is a doctor. They both agreed that even though Sarah Claire would be really young to have any issues with it, it sounded like it could possibly be her appendix. After a lot of worrying, watching and praying, we decided to take her in.

Did I mention God was with us?

First, God sent a precious friend to come wait with me and encourage me while Christopher worked out a plan for my mom to come keep Luke. Then, my Christopher and my dad came too, and we were able to all wait together until we were called back. And even though I didn't know it then, my mom would later tell me that Heaven's "throne room" was flooded by dozens of men and women - many of whom have prayed for me most of my life - now interceding for my daughter. All of this made me think of Aaron, holding Moses' arms while God parted the seas. God didn't need Moses' arms to be raised in order to have the ability to display His power, but He taught wonderful lessons of true support and fellowship when He sent Aaron to be a support for Moses. He did the same thing for us last night!

And I'm ashamed to say how much I needed that support. I know a lot of mommas who can walk through physical issues with their children and handle it like heros, but I often find myself full of fear. I think my lack of knowledge frustrates me and intimidates me, and I really battle anxiety in those moments. Last night, I was really afraid. The doctor suspected appendicitis and wanted to run some tests, and all I could think about was how afraid I was of Sarah Claire having surgery. Even the "don't worry it happens every day" kind. God was with me, but I was focusing on my circumstances.

The real lesson came for me when it came time for Sarah Claire's blood draw. It was so hard to watch. She was screaming and flailing and sobbing and fighting, and they told me to hold her down. As I held on to her as tightly as I could, could feel her literally shaking with fear. I heard myself repeating in her ear, "Listen to my voice." I knew if she would focus on me, that she wouldn't feel alone or afraid, and the nurses could finish what they needed to do.

In the middle of all of that, it was like God gave me a tiny peak at His love for me. It was as though He was speaking into my ear the same words I was saying to Sarah Claire: "Listen to My voice." In an instant, I saw all of the parallels. As I was holding my daughter tightly, allowing her to experience discomfort and even pain for the sake of her own restoration and improvement, I realized that God was doing the exact same thing for me. As I was pleading for her to turn her eyes away from her circumstances and to instead focus on me, I felt God carrying me like He promised He would (Isaiah 40:11), and I heard the gentle reminder to listen to His voice, not the voice of fear. As I tried desperately to remind Sarah Claire that my love for her was so great that I would never, ever willingly let anyone cause her pain unless it was necessary and in her very best interest, I heard that same reminder from my Father (Hebrews 12:6, Romans 8:28). Yes, God was with us!

The doctor looked at the results of her tests, said that her appendix was enlarged and thought we needed a pediatric surgeon's opinion, so he sent us across town to another hospital. My dad still came with us. My mom continued to keep Luke.  People were still covering us in prayer. All at 3:00 a.m. Thank you, Lord, for a the body of Christ!

Finally, at about 8:30 this morning, we finally got to meet with the pediatric surgeon. Running on on fumes and the sweet prayers of others, we were relieved to hear that he didn't think she needed surgery. Of course, for a moment, I considered that we had maybe overreated, but God, in His grace, even took that away. The doctor kept saying that we absolutely should have come in, and that a combination of fever and pain in the lower right side of the abdomen is something worth checking out, and he also spoke the words that let me know that he has children of his own: "never, ever doubt your motherly instincts."

I don't know what was wrong with Sarah Claire. Maybe it's a weird virus, maybe it is the early stages of appendicitis (although God is slowly removing the symptoms, which is wonderful!), or maybe it was just God's way of teaching me to listen to His voice. It wouldn't be the first time He walked me through hardship in the past few months just to teach me more about Who He is. And Praise Him, I'm slowly learning!

As I'm learning more about Who God is, I'm also learning what it means to listen to His voice. John 10:27 says this, "My sheep listen to My voice; I know them, and they follow Me." To follow Him means to abandon sin - including fear - and to trust Him. He has sweetly reminded me again and again lately of Jesus' words in John 14:1, "Do not let your herts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in Me."

Thank you to everyone who, like Aaron, "propped us up" and prayed for my sweet girl.  She seems a million times better tonight. I'd even say she seemed like herself. I am so thankful for every single prayer offered up on her behalf. I don't think I could have ever known what a gift it is to pray for someone's children until I had people tell me that they were praying for mine. If anyone wants to know how to minister to a young mother, just let her know you're praying for her children - and really do it.

Then reminder her to listen to the voice of her Father, and remind her of the promise in Isaiah 40:11, "He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart; He gently leads those that have young."